oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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