my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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