He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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