So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Randomize