My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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