if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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