Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
