I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
