Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
