he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Shame is for Republicans.
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