You're so nebulous sometimes
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Randomize
