my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
