I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Randomize
