ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
