he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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