You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
