Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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