You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
