Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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