No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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