I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
