It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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