oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
