these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
