i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
