apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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