Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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