I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
