garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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