pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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