saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
