I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I want you more than these girls want KFC
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
