I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
All I want is dick and wine.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
