and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
