i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
zippers are such a cool invention
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
