I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
