I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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