I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
