Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
