Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
