Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
