I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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