Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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