i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Randomize
