Say something about gay babies.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize