my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
