Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
