We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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