everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
