She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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