I cockslap morals
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
