I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
