just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
