Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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