I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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