I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
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