dude i'm inner monologue high
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Boobs are out for the taking
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
