I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
