Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize