I am puke
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
