I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
