ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
