you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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