just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
