FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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