Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
