I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
