How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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