I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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