He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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