My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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