Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
