you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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