We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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