the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
