her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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