Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize