im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize