He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Randomize
