i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
