He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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