At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
